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May 21, 2005
motown not my town, hometown not shytown
My motivation wanes and changes when I don’t smoke. Not just when I’m not high, but when I’m not doing it, part of my life, not regular, whatever. This opposite conventional wisdom & expectations that would have the drucks making you unmotivated. Actually, does make me less concerned, interested, uptight, attentive whatever to less important stuff that i with my anal detail etc personality spend too much time and energy and care on. So that demotivation, decaring good. and conversely, stuff most interested in i become more interested, motivated, focused on, etc. e.g. writing. People. new explorations. etc. projects. Then I stop and start 1, not caring about or doing anything and it’s not just a withdrawal thing, i can feel difference, kind of thing it is (not to say withdrawal—not necessarily literal—doesn’t have any/some effect, but is more than that at least). Sucky. Then also another reason why sometimes feel that way us drugies do that it’s replaceing missing ingredient. Becaue that’s the person I want to be, really am more. So why that when high? aeihhhh
Posted by peligrito at May 21, 2005 2:54 PM
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