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June 8, 2005
It's a Small World After All!
I have really, since arriving, been somewhat and increasingly (able to be) standoffish socially and remiss in my friendly duties, dissing close pals nonselectively, from all demographics. I’ve preferred to be solitary. Busy at that little endeavor, or this one. Perhaps not exposed, but I think more so it’s just been about, whether while smoking or not, building up a little sphere around myself. Maybe I’m creating for myself a sense of safety and control, manageability—to dip into the pop-psych speak-‘n’-vamp realm for a smidgin. If so what does that say about me? Yikes. Possible, but I think it’s really just about what’s fun for me when I’m smoking and about pounding on these little projecty things I got going on. But it’s out of hand. To the point that I have not only not gone to visit my poor puppy lil B. like I planned to do two and a half months ago, but when E. called on Saturday, I didn’t answer and didn’t return the call despite my really really wanting to see my little doggy. Really. But I just have no room for anything else. This quasi-productive dribbling diarrhea expands to fill all available space (time wise) and even that not available. Even the bills take back seat. Even even …
Speaking of calls, here’s an interesting factoid: my recent calls lists (received and made) are both comprised solely of drug peddlers, 411, voicemail, my roommate, and one call to a client I couldn’t handle making in front of everybody in the office while high as a kite Monday, i.e. not a single friend on either list. Oh, wait, I take that back—one call from S. Is she a friend? Maybe I don’t take it back. Either way she’s in a category unto herself:
My Small Solitary Sphere. In a way, I really do feel a bit of a bubble around me physically. Things are just a bit further removed. I’m a degree more distant.
Posted by peligrito at June 8, 2005 3:11 AM
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