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May 10, 2005
illogical & persistent
Felt: I hate it when I’m in visibly rough shape and I run into someone in notably good shape at a place and/or time least accomodating/appropriate/absorbant/compatible or forgiving. Like Sunay. Early afternoon. I’m unshowered, unshaven, eye-dilated, hair-nappied and askewed, and clothed in same dirty, smelly, super smokey clothes as day before. Multiply my motor awkwardity with my mental accelerating of it. It’s early afternoon perhaps, though time, huh, ceased to operate in it’s usual manner, and kept itself from me most of itself, I was not aware or affected by that so…anyway, a beautiful day in spring so I should be out doing parky walky bikey things. She’s bounding and snappy, just finished teaching yoga and going to run a highly productive errand before going back to teach another. I fessed right up immediately like I alwasy to do relieve the pressure of performance and offer explanation—it’s not natural!—okay, no, I didn’t fess all the way, just to drunkenduced hungedoverness. And she said he taught that way last week or sometime and thought she might puke. Hell, I’ve spent an all night to the mornign light skiing with her and her gay boys in shifting patterns of nudity and posturing. so i know there’s no judgment but I feel guilty and bad anyway. stupid. and maybe afraid of the real bust. the scandalous, secret second life uncovered.
Posted by peligrito at May 10, 2005 3:41 AM
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