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August 14, 2005
Blackjack, African-Americanjack
+21
(((
10 R
+ 10 paid, S, plus last 1 he owed me = …
11 [on “Sterlin’” &, get this, only like an hour maybe hr&1/2 later!]
=
^^!C a buv, crackass!^^
)))
*Yo,!, See those brack’s up there? That shit’s a personal record. But I ain’t proud of it (affectin’ this ghetto talk slackcent to boot! but I tell you, it’s more for the utility in it than frontin’ ‘cuz some dees niggers ain’t never talked to a white man & asareezult don’t understand one same as I don’t understand their accent or diction or syntax from thyme to timb, ain’t nutin’ wrong wiffat. . . Anyho (heave-ho!), I was just trigoin to say a thing I’b mos liking sed beefo, and that’s that tho I kno my boy R—oR any boy fo dat matta—woodbee happy to see me as often as I care to PAY him a vizit, I’m too embarrased (enfront ov the deelr!4G’sake!) to go back so so sew soon, and choose the lesser quality instead, knowing it will flunk my ebenen up den.
Ann, it did! Don’t know why exac. Good shit to bad, $200 in less than 2 hours, reality of leaving, not getting shit done, mah mama calling and tho chose not to expressiv was clearly quite concerned over my lack of contact (atypical fuhchuh), the MS.c. at Trinity in Dublin I was bustin arse to aple fer (okcutitout.okay) before digging deeper and realizing it probably wasn’t what I was after, wanted, or kneydead (waisted work, disappointed plans), or what, what, what, but I could get no effect, no even even keel, not keep from fall, from that shitshitassshit second batch I deperately pulled on all night until I went for another 100 in the fresh, dewey decimal system morn, oh what a mourn! And I was moody and freaky all night, morose, agitated, my F’ie worried and chillcool as everforever.
The night felt like I turned a corner. I was unable to do what I do. I was terrible to be around. Ridiculous. Repeating myself (more in my mind to my mindself than out). Just a little, but measurably nonetheless, crazier, and cellesser. Frighteneder.
[Now I had bad shit mos def, but aisle feal summ thin. And seam like a market/big bust in the distribution lines or some shit like that cause everybody on the blocks been selling shitfuckforall. It’s fucking shitfuckforall! Except my dog R up out of the fray. —and he asked me about his the other day and I gave props, said always good, and that those niggers on the block be selling shit for shit shitty shit, and he said yeah, he used to go there/them to get his wares but people were complaining so he switched. Those guys out there for the desperate po fucks, the white fucks and the welfare fucks, the nickel and dimers (punfy) I’m beginin to tharerereys. Well, for a long time and it’s obvious, but I don’t have the time, evergy, patience, legalrisktolerance (asastronomi as it sure as garlic fart is) to seek and cultivate a step up. R gets it for me, my little runnergirl…and that’s just find by meemememeee.]
Posted by peligrito at August 14, 2005 12:12 PM
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